In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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