Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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