Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
