Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
