Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
