NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
