I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize