Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
