He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
