apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You pole danced in your parka.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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