When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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