So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
