if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
