If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
