I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
