So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
