i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
