he wants to bone in the snuggie
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
