No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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