so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Fuck appropriateness.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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