He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
