and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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