Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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