i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
