i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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