Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
