She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
