just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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