The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize