You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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