I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
