So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
