you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
