I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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