You smell like stripper and shame
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
