I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Soap is not a condiment
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MIDGETS
????
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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