I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
