How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
