You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
