Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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