is your mom at the bar?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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