...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just pee around me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
