her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
