We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
