My room smells like vodka and shame
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
