it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
