I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
