dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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