so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
