Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
