I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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