you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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