OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
