Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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