Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
4 words: hood of his car
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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