That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I party with great urgency now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
