Me. At least after what I've been through.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
