I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
