Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
