drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
