T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She bit a glass in half.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
