Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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