Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
