He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
