Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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