All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
