My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
